Oh, hey, there. I just took part in like fifteen rounds of beer pong and my team came out as the winner. I kicked ass.

There was a LOT of beer, and I may have smoked three or five cigarettes and I may have smelt a guy's foot and pussied out of a game of strip poker and it was actually kind of fabulous.

But you know what? I feel like I am just so done with the boys around me lately - is it a solar eclipse and all of a sudden it's a feminists wet dream and all the girls have more balls than all the boys? Because really, the grass is not greener on the other side.

I'm kind of sick of being the mature one, mainly because anyone who knows me is certain that I am incurably immature, so to say I come out on top in that matter? Is bullshit, and means the world is lopsided, and leprechauns really do exist and all that bullshit.

Or, you know, that's a lie. I'm not done with guys. I'm just done with Alex.

He guilt tripped me all last week while I was in California (and I never texted him while drunk or high) and refused to talk about it, thus ruining half of my nights, and then tonight? I make a facebook entry (*sigh* facebook ruins everything, apparently) about EPIC BEER PONG and he asks me who I'm playing with, and I respond, VERY OBVIOUSLY JOKING, "a bunch of bikers, full of sperm"

And, well, I'm willing to admit to that being a misstep. on my part.

Even so, he calls me, I pick up, can't hear him. He hangs up. I go outside, call him, and explain to him calmly that I'm just having fun with Rachel and the guys are harmless and have their own girlfriends, and it's no big deal. And so he lies and says everything's fine, and he'll let me go.

Cut to, like, an hour later, after the beer pong tournament, and he's texting me about hating his life and not wanting to exist and wanting to slit his wrists and

WHAT THE FUCKING HELL

I'm sympathetic to people who are bummed, as I feel that way too sometimes, but this? This is utter bullshit. This is calling out for attention, and I do NOT need this shit. BECAUSE I MEAN. WHAT? REALLY?

Bullshit.

fucking facebook.

Thank God the human mind adapts as much and as fast as it does after shit hits the fan. Otherwise I think I'd be crazy all of the time.


This is a French painting by Odilon Redon that was featured at the UVa art musuem a couple of weeks ago. The title is "L'oeil, comme an ballon bizarre se dirige vers l'infini" which translates to "The Eye, Like a Strange Ballon, Moves Toward Infinity."


The thing that the balloon/eye is attached to is a platter with a head on it. I find it fully represents most people's situations, or at least my own for the time being. Life isn't what you expect. When you're young you believe you have a certain future, and more than likely that's not the future you're going to get. Which is fine, most people are realists and aren't romantics and are logical and construct a life and construct their happiness and work at it. And then there are people like me who are cowards and are completely afraid of not knowing and are weighed down by how it turned out and never want to work at it again. But you know, you have to fucking look up. Because that's all you can do. Fucking look up.

because even the poet is seduced by money and an olive skinned mafioso and wild, wild beds.


currently craving: highball glasses, booze, beaches. summer, sand, sweat. passion, guns, hands. cities, cigarettes, cabs.
and a whole lot of fucking euros.

Cinematic Favorites of the Decade: A Picspam
(For my own general amusement, and for the challenge over at picspammy)


I decided to do away with my best of 2009 list (For now anyways. The strong urge to spam True Blood might win me over in the end), so as a result I decided to pick at random my favorite films of the last ten years. I'm pretty sure I encompassed them all in there, and they're not just Academy "shout outs", so it's definitely not a "These films changed the course of cinematic history" blah blah. They're films I enjoyed, thought about immensely afterwards, and just plain loved. They're all represented through their gorgeous posters, and some memorable quotes as well. They might not have broken down cinematic barriers, but they affected me in some way or another definitely.

Just a small reminder: DEFINITELY NOT DIAL UP FRIENDLY.

(There's also some picks of films I might not call my favorites ever, but films I definitely enjoyed over 2009)

( I'm whatever Gotham needs me to be. )